My other half and I had a huge fight over packing your stuff away to help let go. I was being force to make a decision in 2 weeks and it has not come to pass. I won this round again for you Chinook. I will not pack you away. I did compromise and put the reminders of you in one room of the house we do not visit often and never mention your name or the forbidden F-Word, not the word most would think but the word, FERRET. I am drawn to all ferrets and feel this is my calling but I do not have the strength to be part of any ferret rescue. You and your pal Nikomi’s deaths are reminded every time I go on Facebook or other social media and I see other people’s pain of the loss of their ferret and the grief comes in. I have closed most of my accounts and will continue to do so. Why bother if only to advertise your pictures on these sites not for comments but for views.
I have many stuff ferret animals, statues, books, DVDs and pictures of you in this room. Your cage still remains stored away in the shred collecting webs and dust but it must remain. Your carrier case remains too hidden in the closet. I have your blanket, your death shroud and it still has a faint ferret musk smell, the last of your being. A hair or too also lies in a Santa Claus hat you used to love to snuggle in. This Santa Hat is a year round decoration hidden in one my drawers. I almost came to a point of packing your stuff but I wanted to get a hope chest not some storage box and this is how our fight began. Do not talk about it and hopefully my other half will let me have this small victory, a 5 year old victory. I feel guilt Chinook. I feel guilty moving on. I feel guilty packing away your stuff. I feel guilty being happy. I feel guilty trying to bond with our new pet, Caty, she is a lovable cat and you and the rest of the pets that pass after you would love her. Your time here was short Chinook. Only 5 years with me. I like to think you were older when we found you as you had traces of gray hair and had a full life.
I just do not want to say goodbye. Our neighbor died this last month. He had bad relations with his family and there was no one to mourn him just came and grab what they want and auction off his stuff. I remember walking through his house seeing his awards, framed licenses, even medicine bottles as strangers walk through his house making fun of your things, your dead pets that would put to sleep because the relatives did not want to bother. This alerts me to find a resting place for you before your things, your ashes are thrown away without care when we are gone. I am afraid of dying but welcome death if only to see you, praying our bond will be there in the afterlife, most importantly I am afraid of living.
Good bye for now.